Sunday, April 15, 2012

Floaters, Sinkers, and Skidders

Growing up in a family like mine you learn a lot of very different things. You may be thinking, yea so what my family knows fun facts too! But trust me! My family is especially knowledgeable on any topic most would think to be odd! One of my mothers favorite thing to talk about is Poop! She is a health freak so when she learned that you can use poop to gauge how healthy you are she dove right in!
Poop can be classified into three groups. There are the floaters, the sinkers, and the skidders! Now you may be thinking, floaters?..skidders? Well no worries! In due time you will be a poop expert!
Most people eat meat during every meal, every day! They think to themselves, well protein is good for you! So they just go right on eating. Animal after animal. Well im here to tell you your poop disagrees! Too much protein is not good for you! Have you ever looked in the toilet after taking a nice steamer and noticed its position in the water? No? well im here to tell you that it probably ALWAYS sinks down to the bottom of the toilet! this my friends is not good! When your poop sinks down to the bottom of the toilet it almost always means you have consumed too much protein! Protein is good to some extent but too much is just no good! Don’t belive me? Ask your poop!
The next kind of poop you may have is a skidder! Now when you think about skids they really aren’t a good thing! Weather its breaking to fast in your car or falling down on the cement, skids are never a good thing! Well my friend’s skids in the toilet are no different! When your deuce leaves skid marks while exiting the Lou it means you have eaten too much sugar! We all know sugar is bad for us so why do we continue to stuff ourselves will unhealthy sugary snacks? Well let me tell ya your poop wishes you would stop! Nothing ruins a good bowel movement more than looking down to find that your unhealthy life style is affecting your poop!
Now the most uncommon type of poop! A floater! If I had to guess I would think that right about now your thinking, wait a minute, my poop has never floated! Well to be honest most peoples don’t! But that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing! If you drop the kids off at the poop and you notice that they float, then that means you have been eating food that has a good balance of everything in it! Not too much protein, not too much sugar, just the perfect balanced diet! So floaters are good!
 So next time you pop a squat on the john take a looksy after wards to see how healthy you really are! And remember “Floaters” good! “Sinkers” and “Skidders” bad!
(492 Words)

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